"I am trying to describe these things not to relive them in any present boundless misery, but to sort out the portion of hell and portion of heaven in that strange, awful, maddening world--nymphet love. That beastly and beautiful merged at one point, and it is that borderline I would like to fix, and I feel I fail to do so utterly. Why?" (page 135)
I am still trying to pin down where exactly Humbert stands on the entire issue of his "nymphet love". It seems he is completely torn. He explains and revels in all the details of his sexual desires while at the same time admitting that its wrong and that he "tries" to be good. In the same breath he delights in but then condemns his own behavior. It is both heaven and hell for him, beastly and beautiful, and this passage so clearly displays the chaos and controversy that is going on inside his mind. He can't seem to reconcile his guilt with his passion and the reader can't tell which he has more of, shame or desire. We are left wondering if Humbert would even change this habit and get rid of these fantasies if given the option. Also, it is not clear whether or not all of the events that take place with Lolita actually happened as he says they do or if they take place inside his twisted mind. The line between Humbert's delusion and actual reality seems to have disappeared in some way. The way that Humbert writes in a very eloquent way, with elaborate detail and attempting to relate to the reader makes us want to believe the validity of the events that occur. However, we know that he is mentally unstable and all the details of his encounters that he describes could very well just be a part of his delusion and fantasy.
Q: How do you think Humbert would "fix" the "borderline". Do you think, if given the choice, Humbert would rid himself of his "nymphet love", his pedophilia? Do you think he in any way wishes he could be attracted to adult women over adolescents?
-Annie B
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