An Appeal

"I loved you. I was a pentapod monster, but I loved you. I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t'aimais, je t'aimais! And there were times when I knew how you felt, and it was hell to know it, my little one. Lolita girl, brave Dolly Schiller." 284

This quote from HH is not only a confession, but also a realization and an appeal to the jury of his case. Humbert confesses that he is aware that he deprived Lolita of a normal childhood, and was a "despicable and brutal" monster towards her. However, he appeals to both Lolita and the jury when he talks directly to her, as if she could hear what he was saying. He admits that, at times, he knew how much pain she was suffering from, but he chose to ignore it because "it was hell to know it." If he knew that she was paying such a high price for his happiness, how is the jury supposed to believe that he actually loves her? There is a paradox between HH using his love as an excuse for what he did, and his confession that he knew she was suffering.

At the end of the quote, HH calls her, "my little one. Lolita girl," showing how he used to feel towards her. However, this is the first time (that I can tell) that HH calls Lolita by her more common nickname name, Dolly. This shows that he is no longer attached to her in the way that he used to be when she was a nymphet, and that he has come to the realization that she will never be his possession again. This quote provides some finality as to HH's feelings towards Dolores Haze. While he asserts that he is still in love with her, he also shows that he is aware he was cruel towards her and that they will never be together again.

Q: Was it really love?

Cami Morrow